The Critical Empowering Question For Parents
Every single parent knows that their child are copy-cats. In reality, they emulate so frequently, and so well, that they are practically “copying machines”. They duplicate what you say, how you express it, and under what conditions you say it. They copy the way you move about, how you act, how you react to things, how you treat other people, and pretty much everything else you do.
But parents also know that from time to time, we intend to teach them something, and they learn something else. For example, you’re trying to teach your children about gardening and how much fun it is to grow vegetables, but they discover how to run a mile when they catch sight of a caterpillar or a spider, creating a new permanent terror (or simple “great repulsion”).
The issue is obviously that children learn at a unique pace. They just don’t predictably learn the thing you need them to learn. And it’s even worse because at times you don’t appreciate (or don’t even reflect on) what you intend your child to learn.
But deciding what you mean your child to find out is not important when you’re sitting alongside your offspring attempting to teach them something. Well, it is critical, but it’s evidently at the forefront of your awareness. The important times are when you are not attempting to explicitly teach your child something, but they are going to find out something nevertheless. It’s in these situations that you truly need to be receptive to what your child is learning.
For instance, if you and your partner are arguing about something, and either of you swears and stalks off rather than managing the arguement coherently and equitably, what will your child learn? Well, the initial thing they’ll learn is a new word, one that you don’t need them shouting in public! The next thing they’re liable to learn is: “when in a quarrel, storm off rather than dealing with it.” Or something similar to that, anyway.
So being aware that your daughter is going to learn a little something in EACH AND EVERY situation they are in is vital. Choosing in advance what you’d like them to learn is something altogether different. And that’s the reason why the most important empowering question for parents is: what do I want my child to learn from this?
If you can preserve a question like this in your mind as much as possible, and particularly where you are strongly emotional or reacting from custom, you’ll start to have a fantastic knack to have some bearing on your child even more than you do previously. You’ll be able to show them more of how you desire them to behave, in a fashion that’s more like you at your best, rather than you at your most horrible. You’ll be able to congruently say “do what I do AND say”, without worrying so much about your language and behaviour being in accordance. You’ll be capable of telling your child as they get older why you do the things you do, knowing that they’ll already have had years of being around you as you act in line with your values and rules.
But… you will only be a success in doing this if you have a crucial way of thinking that parents need to maintain, something that makes this empowering question effective. Without help, the question is valuable, but it’s not the only thing you need.
Read part 2 of this article to find out what that way of thinking is…
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